Food

 

At one side of the Corran Ferry crossing by Loch Linnhe resides a white Inn by the name of Inn at Ardgour. Places to eat in the Scottish Highlands are few and far between. So, when you stumble across a place that looks reasonable from the outside you really hope the food and drink is going to be nice on the inside. On my recent holiday this particular Inn was one of the few places within an acceptable driving distance from our cabin. And given its close proximity to the ferry (which we used several times) it was definitely one of the most convenient places to eat.

We went there twice and we were disappointed both times.

The Inn looks quaint from the outside - it's nothing special from the on but it seemed pleasant enough.

The first time we were told we would have to wait 45 minutes before entering the restaurant (even though there were hardly any other customers there). Presumably, that's to get up to buy drinks; we were going to drink there anyway so if that was the reason it was pretty pointless. We were made to order from a standard menu in the empty bar area and were later marched into the half-empty restaurant exactly 45 minutes later. At that point it felt more like an army training camp than an enjoyable meal out but we'd yet to taste the food. The restaurant itself was fairly attractive and well-maintained. The real disappointment came when the food arrived. Between us we'd ordered a good variety of meals. Other than the mediocre haggis the rest of it was sub-standard. The venison burgers were dry and overcooked, the pie was stodgy and tasteless and the scampi was clearly deep-fried from a supermarket frozen packet. What was truly pathetic was the fact the small portions were served on such big plates. It was laughable that this restaurant tried to give off the image it was of Michelin Star stock yet it served up third-rate pub grub.

One of the barman then regaled us with a story of how he’d taken a couple to court for not paying for a meal. This isn’t the kind of thing I want to talk about when having a meal in the Scottish Highlands. I want to talk about the beautiful rolling glens and the vast array of Scotch whiskeys. I wondered, was I eating in Guantanamo Bay or an Highland Inn?

You might ask – why did we go there a second time?

As mentioned earlier, places to eat are few and far between; most places seem to stop serving at half past eight. We’d been for an excursion to the Isle of Mull and had left it dangerously close to the half eight mark before going out for food. Our favourite place was fully booked so we had to return to the Inn at Ardgour. This was better than not eating (only just).

The second time was even worse than the first time. They would not seat us in the restaurant as they were too busy. What ever happened to hospitality? Failing that what ever happened to running a good business? Why turn down customers? The patronising waitress told us we could feast on nuts and crisps instead. Having traveled so far we stayed for a couple of drinks and went home unfed.

I had a Pot Noodle when I got in – it was a lot better than the scampi I’d had at the Inn at Ardgour – you know you’re doing something wrong when you’re beaten by a plastic cup full of flavourings and MSG!

My advice is if you’re in the area go elsewhere. I have nothing but utter contempt for this place at their low quality of food and service. Hopefully, when this gets to the top of Google (above the Inn at Ardgour official site) the owners will read this.

When you do take this cooking tip from me: revenge is a dish best served cold.

I was on my way home the other day after enjoying a couple of beers and instinctively went into my local takeaway to get a doner kebab. I eat them fairly regularly and they are my all-time favourite takeaway. Someone had told me earlier in the week that if I knew what was in them I wouldn't eat them. Considering some of the things I've eaten in the past, I thought, that wouldn't bother me.

It did however get me curious as to what exactly goes into doner meat. The next day I Googled for about half an hour but couldn't find anything. This got me even more intrigued - is there a takeaway doner meat conspiracy going on in the UK?

That evening I rang up to get another kebab delivered but this time I asked one of the chefs if he could give me a rundown of the ingredients for a "project" I was working on. He said they bought them in frozen on a skewer and all it said on the plastic packet it came in was "Lamb". That wasn't exactly helpful. I wondered though in today's health conscious society - is there a legal obligation on the takeaways' part to disclose the ingredients?

That night I emailed the Food Standard's Agency who basically said, no, there is no obligation since they are caterers and not in food retails.

Now I was even more curious - even the chefs don't know what they're cooking! I went back to my good friend the Internet and changed my search strategy. This time I searched for the manufacturers rather than the takeaways. I got a handful of emails and sent them all the same request (asking for a recipe). I did get one reply though it was very unspecific. With hindsight I should have expected such a reply. After all, I could have been competition trying to steal their secret recipe. Given that, the company that did reply were kind to do so.

So, the Doner Kebab Meat Mystery continues. If you should unearth more than I do, please get in touch.

I've documented my experience in a new article entitled, What are the Ingredients of Takeaway Doner Meat?

You can read the article here.

Anyway, I think I'll celebrate my limited success with a doner kebab. Enjoy . . .

I love my steaks and last night I had one of the best steaks I've ever had.

The place was Fat Francos on New Road Side in Horsforth, Leeds. It's just a stone's throw from where I live and serves great Italian food: pasta, pizza, steaks and a great range of seafood specials.

The steak was a fantastic cut of chargrilled Sirloin coated in garlic butter and served with mushroom and tomatoes. I like my steaks rare and for the first time I ordered it blue rare. When it came it was more like the usual rare I have; it didn't matter though - the steak was delicious. It oozed with flavour and juices - I highly recommend it!

Take a close look at the dish here.

Visit the Fat Francos website here.